AARRGG!!!

There is one race I run every year for "a time". Its the one race I will not run with my husband, or kids, or anyone else. The one race I let myself obsess about a finishing time, my AD place, and going as hard and all out as I can the entire 3.1 miles. One 5k, happens to be the first race of any kind I did. The Lafayette Reservoir Run. The first year I ran it, I had severely sprained my ankle 3 weeks prior to the race. I waited until the day before, going back and forth on what to do. I had been preparing for the run, my first race ever, for a while, and I hated the idea of not doing it. I didn't really know what kind of a runner I was, or if I would even be able to run. Was I a slow runner? Middle of the pack?? What was my per mile pace?? I had no clue. Didn't even know how to put on a timing chip. Never mind that I couldn't walk for 1 week, hobbled for the next week, and was barely able to run by week 3. I went down to the Lafayette Chamber of commerce the day before the race and registered. Done. I ran it faster and pushed harder than I had ever ran before, finishing in 27 and change, and coming in 4th in my age division. I knew I would run it again the next year, and that if not injured, I could take 1st in my age division.
So I did. Came back the next year, had been working on my time, now had a year of running under my belt and had run many races since that first one. I knew what I was doing this year, I had no nerves. I knew I had improved over the past year, and was feeling confident. I shaved 3 minutes off my time, finished in 24:45 (which would have taken first in my age division the year before)...and guess what?? I was 4th in my age division......again. Highly irritating. It's just one 5k, no biggie. I'll work harder, come back faster next year, and get it done.
Which brings me to present day. The Lafayette Reservoir Run always takes place on the last Sunday of October. (for those who don't' know, I do not celebrate Halloween, you need to know that or the rest doesn't make sense) Imagine my horror when I went to the website and see the Halloween shirts! Say it isn't so?? Halloween hit on the last Sunday of October this year, making the Res Run Halloween themed. Without kids, this may not have even fazed me. I'm not celebrating it, just running a race. I can decline the shirt. I just want to run. With kids.......it becomes the "I just ate the cake, I didn't celebrate the birthday" argument. Running it just wasn't' going to happen this year. I have to say I look forward to that run every year, I think about it when I'm running. I think about it at random times...will this be the year? How fast can you go? Do you think you are capable of pushing harder than last year? Will the top 3 have improved, too, just like last year? Seeing that web page pop up and staring at the Jack O Lanterns and having that sinking feeling of 'oh, no...you have got to be kidding me!"........well, that feeling could only be topped by logging on to the results page from yesterdays run and seeing that the 3rd place time in my age division was 24:50. My time from last year would have beaten this. I could have done it. Not only that, but 1st and 2cd were in the 23 minute range. If I have improved in my running at all in the past year,(I may not have improved in time, but with 3 marathons this past year, I will push harder, and endure more pain to reach a goal than I would have a year ago!) not only would I have had 3rd, 1st or 2cd were well within reach!
Again, I say AAARRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
Next year.....watch out!!
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I feel like I should add to this that I have no regrets about making the choice to not run it. It was the only choice, really. Could I have justified running it, could I have "gotten away" with running it....yeah. We can all justify whatever we want when its something we really want to do. There really was no even attempting to rationalize it, I just saw the screen and knew I wouldn't be running it this year. So I am not irritated that I 'couldn't' run it, or that I had to make that call. I am irritated that had I run it, it would have been "the year" for me, and I could stop obsessing about it! That's ok, though, its just one more thing to keep me pushing and on track for another year! : )