The Weekend Started w/a Date Night For 1.....

Yep. I about talked myself out of it numerous times during the day on Friday. See, Brian had 4 tickets to the Giants game Friday night. He got them at work, and 4 is up from the 2 he usually gets, so pressing for 1 more wasn't an option. Having only one car, I usually stay at home when this sort of thing happens, which is rare. I decided that I wouldn't sit at home this time. I would have a fun night out, alone....doing...???? I hate doing anything alone. The thought of going out to eat alone freaks me out. Walking down the street alone, scary. I know, right?? Keep in mind it wasn't very long ago that I was close to 300 lbs. Everywhere I went I felt huge, ugly, nothing fit right, nothing felt right, everywhere I went I felt like people were staring at me, laughing or making jokes. Eating out I always felt like I was under a microscope, with people watching what I ate trying to figure out how I could have possibly gotten this way.
It's been a few years now, and while things have changed on the outside, there are certain things I am finding that my mind is taking longer to adjust to. I have always said that losing the weight is mostly mental work, the physical changes are a small part of the bigger picture. So, keeping all that in mind....the thought of going out alone for the evening in down town Walnut Creek, the land of the pretty people, was a bit anxiety inducing.
Dressed in new boots, jeggings, and black sweater, standing on Locust St where the hubby dropped me off, I decided to head to my comfort spot......the 'Endurance' section at Barnes and Noble. My plan is to get a new book, get a salad and coffee at the Starbucks inside the book store, and read. After browsing through a few marathon related books, running books, and triathlon books, I found what I was after. 17 Hours to Glory, amazing book. I get it, get a coffee although they don't have any actual food, not a problem, not hungry. I go out on the upstairs patio and settle in with this book. I can't begin to say how amazing this book is. It is personal recaps of peoples IronMan experiences, from the early 80's to now. Stories of amazing athletes who's bodies gave out feet from the finish who crawled across. Stories of fathers who swam 2.5 miles in the ocean, pulling a disabled son through the water, riding a double bike w/him 112 miles, and pushing him in a wheel chair 26.2 miles.....so I sat outside reading and trying not to cry for 2 hours, drinking coffee, and taking in the hustle and bustle going on down on the street.
Then I walked down to the theater and decided on a 7:30 movie that would put me getting out about the time Brian and the kids are back from the game. It was rated pg-13, had no sex, violence, or magic....but I still won't say what it was, that would break my personal rule of not saying what movie I saw because no matter what, someone will be offended. I will say it was great, I loved it. I laughed all the way through it, and I think the main character may have been me in my teen years.
So that's it, that was my night out by myself. I have to say it was really nice. I think the thought of going out alone was much more anxiety inducing than the actual act of being out alone for the evening. I think the fact that I did it, was relaxed, and enjoyed myself was an eye opener for me as to how much my life has changed. I enjoyed browsing through the books, sitting outside and taking everything in, walking down the street even felt pretty darn good. I bought a movie ticket for 1 w/o feeling like a loser..... I was able to live in the moment and enjoy it v.s. going through the motions of having a night out while actually being worried the whole time about what everyone was thinking about me.
So there is a glimps into how the weekend started.....once it started it rolled through w/o stopping...but more on that later!