Grandma Jean

Grandma and Myles

There is so much I want to say in this post....so much I would like to say about Grandma...so much I would like to say to certain family members......so much I would like to say about screwed up family dynamics. The truth is, some things are better left unsaid.

Grandma with her garden

Emma, Grandpa, Grandma, and Brian pushing Myles in the car

Grandma having an Icee w/Myles

Here is what I will say.  I loved my Grandma. Grandma knew this. I shared memories from my childhood in my post on Friday. As an adult, Grandma had a knack for knowing when something was wrong.  She would call, and I would say, "how did you know?", and she would say " I just knew".  Because of this knack for calling she was the one who talked me through more than a few complicated times.  When Grandma visited us in GA, it was Grandma who sat on the floor crying with me listening to why I was not happy, and helped me focus on the things that really mattered in my life. When it was just Grandma and I, we could both share our viewpoints and thoughts and "reasons" for choices in life. She would listen, I would listen, and in the end, we would understand each other better, and be able to agree to disagree when we needed to.  That is when it was just Grandma and I.  When it wasn't just Grandma and I, she found herself smack in the middle of my relationship w/my father, and that complicated things. We did not see or talk to each other as often as we would have liked the past few years. She and I had spoke about this and I know that she knew why things were the way they were.  Neither of us liked it, but it was what it was.I knew full and well that to keep the peace, when I was not around, she would side w/whatever was being said about me.  It did not matter to me because we both knew she really had no choice. I knew she loved me, and she knew she was loved, and we both hated the situation. The complications of the past 3 years does not negate or diminish or erase the past 31 years of precious memories we have together that were less complicated.

Grandma w/Myles in Tennessee

I think Grandma would tell us she had the perfect last day.  She was visiting her family that she got to see only every few years.  She treasured her trips down south to visit her family. Family was everything to Grandma. She spent the day shopping with her family, having lunch at Olive Garden, and then back to families house.  She had not been feeling well during the day.  Grandma loved shopping though, and wanted to continue.  When they got home, she went into her room to gather her new purchases to show everyone....and she didn't come out.  She spent her last day with family that she loved and she treasured her time with, doing what she loved, in a place she loved to visit. 

I know this is an emotional time for the family, and I know that some pretty harsh things have been said.  Only Grandma and I know the relationship we had.  I am grateful for those special times, phone calls, and visits we had away from from the rest of the family. We did the best we could with the situation we had been put in. I am grateful for all the memories, and I know that grandma and I will make many more memories when we meet again!

Grandma in Tennessee w/Em and Sophie